Stepping back onto the stage after years away—and facing the humbling realization that
growth means letting go of old expectations—taught me how to trade blame for
accountability.
I have enjoyed a long performing career in my past as a Dancer, Singer, and Actor in
the Musical Theatre world. I hung up my performing hat and focused on teaching and a
steadier career still in the industry but didn’t find myself on the stage. I have always
known that I wasn’t done with that part of my life, but I wasn’t really sure when I would
want to jump back in. Well, the time came! I recently auditioned for a play at a local
theatre, and after so many years away, it was quite an experience.
I memorized a monologue and prepared myself as best I could for the audition. From
that day, all I could focus on was getting a callback. I wanted to know that I still had
what it takes to be considered among my contemporaries. Spoiler, I got the callback, I
was immediately relieved. I knew that I would be ok not getting cast in the show, but I
wanted this opportunity to continue at least to a callback, and I got that!
I went to the callback a week later, having worked on the sides from the play and
planned my acting choices carefully. I arrived with a lot of anxiety and adrenaline
rushing through my body. I hadn’t been in this environment in years, over a decade,
and wasn’t sure I had what it takes. Because it was an ensemble show, we all were
called into the room to read in various combinations. As I was called for my first chance
to read, I did as well as I could but learned quickly that I was not at the same comfort
level as many others in the room. Long story short, it was not the experience I wanted it
to be.
I wanted to show up, deliver my lines to raucous laughter and applause and compel the
Director to offer me the role on the spot. That was not the case. I had hoped that after
years of life experience, I would show up with the confidence that I bring to my current
work. I was frustrated to see that it wasn’t the reality, and I reverted to a lot of bad
emotional habits I had when I was younger. I wanted to blame the Director for switching
up some of my expectations. I wanted to blame the other actors for knowing each other
and being more comfortable in the experience than someone new to the scene like me.
I wanted to blame, anyone. I wanted a perfect, expected experience. After some
reflection, I determined that I got the exact experience I needed.
I will not get cast in the show, but it is not anyone’s fault. I was not good enough,
comfortable enough, and prepared enough. I have work to do. It is not anyone else’s
fault, but my own. It is hard to admit that. We find comfort in blaming other people and
not making things our responsibility but imagine if you turned that around. I have a
better idea of what I am willing to invest in something if I really want it. I am recounting
all of this because with hard work and determination, you can achieve your goals, but
you also may not.
The journey is more important, but more than the journey, it is paying attention to what
happens along the way. With self-reflection there is somewhere to go, with blame, there
is a roadblock. Be open to the experience and take it for what it is, an experience. I
encourage everyone to be the kind of person that tries the new uncomfortable thing
than the one who finds comfort on their couch. Change is hard, growth is hard, and
dropping the blame is actually liberating. It transforms a disappointing outcome from a
permanent dead-end into a clear, actionable starting point.
Stepping off the couch and into the ring after all this time is a win in itself. You can prove
to yourself that you are willing to face the nerves, confront the old habits, and figure out
what it will take to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
So, get out there and start taking chances, and accepting the results!
Chris Suchan
Executive Director
Platinum National Dance Competition
Instagram-@suchanchris, @danceplatinumco
TikTok-@danceplatinumco0
Podcast – The Great Dance Debate
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