Mom, Are You are Doing Too Much?
One thing dance parents seem particularly prone to is doing too much for their dancer. We all want to sacrifice as much as we can for our children but in what ways does this negatively affect us and our dancers and what are some things we can pass along to our kids to start handling on their own? We decided to explore the many ways that moms are just doing too much…
The dance competition weekends can be difficult times for both dancer and parent. There are often bags that need to be lugged, costumes that need to be prepped and packed and hair and makeup that needs to be flawless-most often at inconvenient times of the day. Because this usually has a team involved, dance parents or grandparents often feel they need to manage it all for the sake of the team and its other dancers and parents.
We carry all the bags so our dancers don't have to. We make sure their drinks and pebble ice water bottles are on hand the second our kids have the tiniest bit of thirst. Sometimes this also means us dance parents are buying all the merch and all the dancewear so our dancers do not have to make a decision about which piece they like more.
The result? Most of us dance parents are exhausted and the weekends are no longer fun after playing an unpaid assistant or a pack mule role. The dynamic shifts from one of parental authority to one where we are taking direction from our children. This compromises our ability to parent and blurs the line every child needs in a strong guardian they can lean on. Possibly the worst result of parents doing too much is that our children do not learn the grit and determination they need to get through all the challenges life will throw their way when they are adults. Without the practice of pushing through or managing things on their own, our kids will never learn persistence, endurance and determination- things that are critical to success in any area of their lives.
Where we begin to pass responsibility along to our kids can differ depending on their age. For a younger dancer, have them start doing parts of their makeup like blush or have them pack essential items in their dance bag like their Apolla performance socks. Allow them to carry their dance bag and be accountable to have the right dance shoes they need for their studio classes. For an older dancer, allow them to do their own hair and makeup entirely and leave them alone to navigate their classes at a convention so they learn what they need to manage these long dance days. Allow older dancers to communicate directly with their coaches about dance schedules or costume specifics and limit your involvement in the daily activities of the studio.
Starting off small, with studio activities or responsibilities can help ease your dancer into managing the demands of their lives in a comfortable way. In turn, this will allow the proper dynamic between parent and child and allow for a more enjoyable weekend for us dance parents.
Written By: Two Dance Moms Podcast
A weekly podcast with Amira & Cayse. Sharing their own wins and fails as dance moms,
with the tips and tricks they've learned along the way! Helping dance parents find a little
more fun and a little less stress at their dancers' next competition.
